It is well documented that squats are a horrible exercise choice for anyone who actually cares about their body. They are reckless, dangerous and an inefficient use of your time. You’re better off doing basically anything else. Here’s why:
• Squats hurt your knees. We all know this to be true – especially if you squat anywhere near to parallel. All of those Olympic weightlifters, pro athletes, powerlifters and bodybuilders who squat all the way down are genetic outliers with divinely engineered knee joints. Plus, steroids.
• Squats require you to place a loaded barbell on top of your spine! It’s practically in direct contact with the vertebra. This is just stupid. It would be different if there were some kind of muscle group there, maybe trapezoidal in shape, that could form a cushion between the bar and your delicate spinal structure but since that hasn’t yet been discovered this statement is 100% accurate.
• You just don’t need to do squats to build muscular, strong legs. Focusing on things like leg presses, leg extension and lunges is a far more effective way to build great legs. All those lifters who used squats were on steroids and that’s the only reason they got results. You need to train the small, assistance muscles in order to pull the skin closer to the muscle anyway.
• The back squat is more of a low back exercise than a leg exercise anyway. Just look at the name: BACK squat. Plus the physics says so. If my math is correct, and according to my PhD. in Mathology from the correspondence college of Nigeria it is, the following formula illustrates my point perfectly:
L2*Sq=(R3/3I)531
I won’t bore you by actually explaining what any of that means in terms that any normal person could actually understand. Just suffice it to say that back squats are terrible for you spine. Anyone who says differently is probably on steroids.
• No sport outside of powerlifting, Olympic weightlifting or Crossfit requires you to place a load on your back and lift it straight up. Therefore, squats are not a functional exercise. So why waste your time? It’s not like the ability to exert force using a rigid, neutral trunk and activating the musculature of the hips, knees and torso is ever going to come about in every day life.
• I know this dude whose friend went to school with a Navy SEAL who says squats suck. This point is axiomatic.
• Heavy squats, on top of destroying your knees and back (see the above points), will make you slow. Everyone knows that lifts that move slow make you slow. Therefore, heavy squats will hurt athletic performance.
• Squatting is too hard on the central nervous system. Squatting more than once a month will totally burn out your CNS and lead to overtraining. Nobody in the history of lifting has ever been successful by squatting more than once a week MAX. Nobody. I dare you to find one. The Bulgarians were all on steroids.
• The Olde Time Strongmen didn’t do squats. If they didn’t do them, you don’t need to do them. These dudes were jacked and strong and we’re all pussies nowadays because we don’t do anything they used to do. Including putting extra E’s on of the ende of stuffe that doesn’t neede it. And why didn’t they squat? Because there were no steroids back then.
I know some of you trolls out there are going to say that there are only 9 reasons there. First of all, remember my Mathology Doctorate and stfu. Second, you’re probably all on steroids. Therefore, nothing you have to say regarding training is evenly remotely applicable to us natty lifters.
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Lol you need to do some more research and maybe go back to school if you really believe this when doing squats. you don’t start off with a ridiculous amount of weight sure you have the potential to hurt your self but your supposed to start light and go all the way past the parallel so that it doesn’t strain you knees and hips. I think that you should stick to math buddy and its pathetic that you think that everybody does steroids and talk down on people who squat my girlfriend squats is she on steroids???? What about all my female friends that squat? You shod go ask your friends brothers sisters uncle who saw a navy seal again haha.
Doesn’t even justify a response….
Just to make it clear I meant to wright if you start out with a ridiculous amount of weight but you have a phd in mythology so I’m sure you could figure that out
Lol auto correct
If you want to be taken seriously don’t patronize your audience.
L2*Sq=(R3/3I)531
I won’t bore you by actually explaining what any of that means in terms that any
normal person could actually understand.
Amazing article. I’m going to print this off and post it around my gym. My goal is to get people OFF the squat rack… because I need more time with it!
I really.. really.. really.. hope that this is a troll.
Great thing about the Internet is anyone can make an outrageous claim on a blog. Figure it out bud.
Women, you’d better learn to pee standing up.
THIS IS THE MOST BOGUS I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE. You must be the most naive, ignorant, and foolish person on earth right now…
Your formula looks like a play station cheat code. What are you explaining about the human body by raising something to the 531 power. I’ve been powerlifting drug free for 9 years now and there is nothing wrong with my spine or knees and heavy squats are the best exercise for building stronger leg muscles.
Well played sir, well played.
dumbass! You know nothing!
oh nevermind….this was tongue in cheek huh? LOL! I hope so anyways.
Wow this has to be the worst article i have ever read. that is so not true
dude let me know when you get into a wheel chair and have some person having to be pushing you around because you have no leg strength when you reach your 40s
im not going to be your support do squats they dont have to be heavy loads of squat but if you would like to be standing in the next couple of years i suggest doing squats
You are an idiot. I am speechless after reading this. You are a complete idiot
You have no idea what your talking about my friend. I am a powerlifter and squat at least twice a week…oh yeah and I’ve never taken any steroids growth hormones or anything close to that. If you have good technique and take care of your body with stretching and assistance lifts your golden. Leave weightlifting to us bro and go do some algebra.
At first I thought you were crazy until I saw that you had a PHD in mathology. Now I see the light. Far be it from me to argue with a Dr. I will stop squatting immediately. Thanke you.
You hold National and state records in powerlifting but you don’t squat?
Tell me this article is joke…. Or are you a joke?
I would take it one step further and state that weightlifting, in general, will tend to build fake, fluffy, dysfunctional water-filled muscles instead of the dense, functional, lean, long muscles that you would achieve from participating in a sports like swimming and cycling.
This is the fucking dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Anyone who says that full squats are “bad for the knees” has, with that statement, demonstrated conclusively that they are not entitled to an opinion about the matter. Idiotic.You’re excuses make you sound like a pussy.
Yeah and what woman would want to build a nice derriere by doing something as easy as squats? Also, bending at the waist and picking stuff up much better for the back. I hear this a lot, oh man how’d you throw out your back? Dude, I squatted down to pick up the laundry and used my legs to lift…bam back just gave out.
It’s a dangerous movement you really need to be more careful!
Trollolol
Exactly!
Why would I squat if I was a powerlifter?
ok… this thing is confusing me. it’s called a “back squat” because it’s placed on your back. if your chest does not drop, then u don’t need to engage you lower back as much and then you’re supposed to use you legs to move the weight up. literally all ur saying is “squatting hurts and fuck everyone who can squat. they’re all on steroids (out of jealousy.” honestly speaking, you sound like a whinny nerd blessed with small genetics. what movement do you use to sit? and how about children? notice when they pick something up from the floor it’s ALWAYS in a full squat. (3years and younger.) maybe a heavy load is bad. but training a movement your body is made to do is not. but, really, you sound like a baby.. no evidence. no reference sites. no graphs. no type of research at all listed. plus, it helps explosive hip and glute power. so it can be used for football, basketball, water polo, and any track sport. this just sounds like complaining to me.
I’m really glad that you caught that. Doesn’t seem like a lot of these visitors have a sense of humor.
Please tell me this is a joke!
Trollololol
Thank you sir!
Are you a moron!!! Squat make you a much better athlete. I squat and I am faster and can jump much better than I used to be able too. Thanks to SQUATS…
Thank you.
Why does no one get that this is satire…?
I stopped reading after he spelled choice wrong in the first sentence.
I don’t know what’s funnier, the article or all the irate morons posting rebuttals who are too stupid to realize this is a joke. Did you happen to notice “irony” as one of the tags?
I really thought that I made it impossible to not know this was a satire. Apparently I need to try harder.
well played sir, well played.
How is there even a single person here who doesn’t know this is a joke? I love the irony of the people calling this guy an idiot that can’t pick up on obvious satire.
Oh I knew it was a joke. I even sent it around because I thought it was hilarious. I pictured curlers in the squat rack thanking jesus and a shit ton of dumb bells being thrown outta anger. It made my entire day!
ROFL!!!! Man, you sucked me in. I started reading this article with foam shooting out of my mouth (must be the steroids) and slinging my arms. I thoroughly enjoyed it. If laughter is the best medicine I am cured of anything I could ever get.
And all of you boneheads that didn’t get that this is facetious, well, you confirm the “musclehead” stereotype.
,
It seems like your chicken legs have made you ignorant and stupid.
lol at the people thinking this article is serious. Must suck not having a sense of humor/being able to pick up on humor.
Well written Sir. I’m afraid most of your patronage on this site appear to be retarded though.
Anyone who thinks this guy is serious is an idiot.
and on steroids.
I can think of at least 10 reasons why you are an idiot.
Apparently many of this site’s readers do know know the meaning of “satire”.
Correction to my previous post:
Apparently many of this site’s readers do not know know the meaning of “satire”.
Today I learned that most gym rats and body builders can’t tell the difference between what is and isn’t sarcasm online. Good to know.
Lol, I know a dude who has a friend that went to school with a navy seal!!!! Http
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